I have a new poem up at Philosophical Idiot! You can read it here. Trigger warning for suicidal ideation and death.


“My Boyfriend Shows Me Pictures of His Dead Friends While We Watch Arrival

And I don’t know how

to tell him some days,

I still want to die,

still feel that familiar tug

towards darkness. I don’t

know how to tell him

some days, the fight

to keep air pumping

through my lungs

is a burden I do not

wish to bear. I want to say

I crave surrender.

I want to let go of the

rope, fall back into murky

water, let it claim me. He shows

me pictures of people I will

never know, people

who no longer tread

water, and I don’t know

how to tell him I envy

them, I envy their peace,

I crave the same emptiness

that settled in their bones.

I don’t know how to tell him

this feeling may never crawl

out of my body. It’s nestled

in my neurons and maybe

I like it there. Maybe it’s easier

to let it plant its roots

in my veins. Maybe it’s the only

comfort I’ve ever known.

My boyfriend shows me pictures

of his dead friends and I don’t know

how to tell him they look

just like me.

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